Jesus Internet Service Provider

Make it an Internet Revolution, not the Internet Book of Revalations.

Rest assured, if you don’t use us as your Internet Service Provider, you’re going to hell.

WebCardinal: Welcome fellow christian to JesusISP. I’m Web Cardinal Chad TongueScraper. What is JesusISP? Well, we are your friendly and reliable Internet Service Provider, available in your area now. But we are so much more. We actively search the web and block out sites that may offend or question your Christian beliefs.

The internet is a beautiful thing, when it’s used in a safe, non-threatening way. With the state of the world today, it’s no wonder you’ve been reluctant to sign on and join the internet revolution. Well, we strive and succeed to protect you from sites you and your family fear the most. Your church life shields you from the evils of Pornography, Abortion, Evolution, Rational Thinking, Tolerance of Homosexual Lifestyles, Reason and Accountability, Logic, Religions other than Christianity, Curiosity, and Violence, except violence perpetrated against those who hold differing values to ours, of course. And now, JesusISP provides that same shield, for your on-line browsing.

JesusISP provides safe internet browsing by personally certifying web sites safe enough even for baby Jesus. We have an army of Web Blockers that has ruled out all but two sites so far. Our own web site and nra.org.

As we near the joyous end-of-times, why not guarantee your purity and ignorance by signing on with JesusISP. We’ll make you think the world is flat again, and that the universe does orbit the earth.