New parent tonic - Daddy's little helper
During moments of Parental Psychosis often find myself asking the question, “Is there enough alcohol in the world to help me get through this?!” Unfortunately the answer is, “Yes.” There is enough – too much in fact. For the Reluctant Dad babies have a way of inducing full blown alcoholism. Luckily you’re usually too tired to get up and go to the fridge to prepare such a frosty beverage.
I say there is too much alcohol available as any alcohol consumed will only compound the permanent hangover you have from sleep deprivation. Honestly, I’ve wander around the whole day like a zombie trying to remember what I did the night before, thinking it must have been good for me to feel this bad. But the night before usually consisted of diaper changing and/or cleaning up vomit (I assume this belongs to the baby).
Upon first becoming a parent I decided to invent a drink. It has two names… I’m not sure why. Use whichever you prefer – “Daddy’s Little Helper”, or “New Parent Tonic”. It’s not particularly original, but it’s quick, easy and horribly effective when you’ve had no sleep and only eaten half a piece of cold, unbuttered toast all day. Recipe follows:
I like it, but I no longer drink it. While I do still drink now that I have two kids, no sleep, very little time to eat, and a new job, I just can’t afford the loss of coordination or mental thought processes brought about by the heavier stuff. I usually stick to a glass of wine or beer. I find that my stress is quite reduced by a small amount of alcohol, but anymore than that and I’m ruined for the next day. I think the inability to sleep in has a lot to do with it. Sleeping in is great. More people should sleep in, and then the world, even one full of babies, would be a better place. I wish the kids would sleep in. That would be more precious than gold.
December 9th, 2005. I've come to the realization that low alcohol beer may not be the wonderous solution I had hoped for. It would seem that when I drink this light beer I end up drinking the whole 6 pack rather quickly in one sitting to apparently compensate for it lack of alcohol. This makes me feel ill (not drunk, just uncomfortable). I'm going to continue with the light beer experiment, but I will now buy the single larger bottles (750ml) instead of a six pack to limit the amount I can consume without having to get up and go to the store again.
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